The Status Ro (A testament to the last 7 months)

I need some money white man,
can I have some of yours?
Not good enough for your cheese
but perfect for your chores
Settle for a little bread
but I won't become a soldier
Posted in this bookstore
Selling my soul to me a quota
In exchange for a quater
Staring and this money,
I don't want to but I oughtta...

I need a lot of love black man,
am I asking for too much
I can give you all of me but
it don't seem to be enough
Never wanted to see you do without
Held you down when you were down and out
Wrote love letters and put money on your books
Expecting my king but I got a crook
Wrong like a queen protecting a rook
As the dust settled and the truth arose
The motherfucker sold everything and put it up his nose

And just look at this bitch with her trifling ass
don't know why I thought the sista had some class
Ms. Big Cheese wan't nothin' but a small fry
Smiled in my face but all she did was lie
Them haters stook together like they takin' a stand
But I'll always have the upper hand
Threw stones back at their house of glass
And now all them bitches kiss my ass

Mirror Mirror on the wall,
whose the strongest of them all?
I know I am and I know you'll agree
"Cause fight or flight, I'll never flee

=Roni I'naru'

Powder

Tell me what she does in seconds flat
what I spent two years figuring out
What does she whisper in your ear
that I can't get across loud & clear
Wonder what makes you leave my warmth for her cold
Dodge me by day to chase her at night
She fills your senses with the senseless
and you remain at attention
Watching you brave dangerous streets to find her
and she waits for you under the darkest of corners under the El
on littered concrete
Cheap but desirable
You gravitate toward her and I'd hope my little voice in your ear would interject
But you take her and devour her quickly
And slowly tread home to my fury
And I wish that we never happened
And I swear that I'd do anything to never have met you
And I'd give my left arm to rewind time
Screaming regrets and bets and threats and yet
he can't come clean
In the middle of crying I ask what's her name
After denying, he utters cocaine.

-Roni I'naru'

4 My Brotha

Yo,
how long you wanna keep playing "victim"?
Is it a Black mans condition or his symptom?
How will you counter-attack the terrorism
if you can't even muster an ounce of ambition?
I know the plan was to keep you in prison
But you won't see the way if you don't have a vision
Talk so much shit you can't really listen
Don't know nothin' but heat, you comfortable in the kitchen
You missin' in the mission
So start your expedition
Success and reward only comes to the driven

-Roni I'naru'

Ultrafiscial

don't sometimes you just wish you was a star?
someone that people could adore.
someone who just deserves more and gets it.
someone followed and respected.
in a mass you feel neglected
and rejected-
but you expect it.
who am i to be photgraphed on a rooftop
with the sun shinning just right
like it picked me to shine its light
who am i to have someone run up and
scream "i love you! you inspire me!"
taking flicks on the side of me
that'd really instill some pride in me
so i can call somewhere and give my name
and get anything because i have fame
and i'd remain
in what i proclaim
and the world'd say "Mm hmm, des right"
"You know who she is?"
Just another talentless bitch in showbiz.

Down Erie Ave Part 3

Piss stain meets
old gum stain meets
ignored rust stain meets
random used condom doused with random nut stain
Rhythmless clicks
of unbalanced chicks
in 5 inch pumps
persue men who will no longer wait for them
And she still makes untimely sacrifices when
one grows tired of waiting for her
A slew of hacks mumble availibility
to the weary resurfacing from the underground market
If you had the money-
where would you let him take you?
Anywhere? Beyond illuminating Chinese stores,
its occupied corners,
away from concrete trimmed with stuffed animals
and candles
and final words of love we were too street to say in person,
to express in case God chose not to forbid
in His divine plan
Decoding the obvious
we still don't understand
why we live this way
Deaf to the detrimental
Blind beyond the bling
The mutiny has left us mute
So long as we remain silent
The innocent are stolen
quickly,
never knowing that they were loved


-Roni I'naru'

Down Erie Ave Part 2

"Car wash, car wash"
"Wash and wax, wash and wax"
I hear sirens
Reminiscent of last nights
gun fights
The hood needs justice
"Jesus is comin'
Gotta get to know Him"
Our elders lost trust in
All us youngin'
And they all hustlin'
Or shot dead tryin'
Missin' targets, bullets flyin'
Lord, how long before you get here?
Please protect us from ourselves
For we know not what we do
And somehow I hope that if we knew
We could get our act together
Please believe in gettin' better
And lose the false lyrics
Echoing in subway stations I hear it
Poets, tell them the truth
Down Germantown
Browse the crowds for proof
Nicetown needs curfews
to keep Black families off the news
to harbor kids from criminals
Predators inside concrete jungles
Hide inside brick layered tenements
From the dangers we represent
Existing on the cross-streets of content and torment
Lord, how long before you get here?
How long before you get here, how long before you get here
Save us from us
I hear sirens
Reminiscent of last nights gun fights
Please make it alright
Please make it alright
Please make us all right


-Roni I'naru'

When Artists Make Love

Architecting figures of
Fallow and bistre making love
I'll buy you a canvas and some kind of coloring shit
See exactly what you're working with
How much of me you're working for
For strokes beyond brushes
For art beyond images
but of sound
and touch
Recreate me
down to every last curve and position I gave to you
Fucking by open sunlit windows
I could see trees greener than they'd ever been
summer breezes softly kissed the skin
and a symphony of birds sang to our rhythm
Hours
Captured
and displayed
for them to feel
like we did.


-Roni I'naru'

Unnatural Born

I am the first and second of the sixth and the first
The daughter of Raine and Art
Grandchild of Yvonne and Jacinta
Born on the 28th evening of the 1,985th October
to the tribes of Judah and Ephraim
to stand tall in my feminine on the shoulders of my cacique ancestresses
21 years later
I fell in love with the lie
And the truth could barely recall my existence
Sat in the corner with growth and got high of it's offering
Rocked back and forth in the dim light, praying for contrasts
...that I'd be wrong...
...that I'd be loved despite popular belief...
If love always became failure, was I born to be fooled?
And to learn from that,
to warn future fools
to dogde my fears- and call it wisdom.
Was I born to be cared about
to then change minds
to then live for weeks in the fog
then to discover the once nonexistent
and then exist for the rest of my life validating my ignorance with wounds?
Was I born to save myself for the mythical husband
who works the 9-5
and comes home to eat my pollo frito at the head of the table
and lay with him at night
spooning with the archetype
while he's dreaming of his own?
Was I born to walk down this plank
basquing in the rays coming through the stainglass windows
bouncing off my sequins
giving the impression that I've reached womanhood
while my brothers look at me
hoping for the best and planning for the worst?
Was I born only to sit pretty before his company,
shit out his children,
swallow his infedelity with a grain of salt and a pinch of oh well and a little nevermind
& iron my pleats & his
& wash my socks & his
& make my sandwich & his
& wipe my crumbs & his
at this pivotal point, where shit
means nothing and everything
I've been pushed into this black hole of floating
grandfather clocks and ottomans
So I'm born to dare-
and kiss passionately
and rest my legs on his shoulders
while we pretend to be so focused
that my thoughts don't wander
with the sweat streaming down my body
That if all is fair in love and war
Then as much as I deserve to be loved, I must stomach the fall.


-Roni I'naru'

Pearl of the Universe

I'm a flier
Traveling lightyears into the 100 watt shining through my digits
I'm floating atop a golden Amazon River on my back
without having left this mattress
I'm walking on indigo skies
creating stars wherever my feet land
Scraped the bottom of the sea for hydration
Dug through soil and sod for growth
This world is but a washed up oyster
I've starved for universal tranquility


-Roni I'naru'

I Only Wanted To Lose My Virginity, You Fake Ass Pimp

They call me crazy-
because the shine that keeps the trophies blind doesn't blind me
because that which keeps the meek silent won't ever silence me
Nice Guy is dumbfounded-
because I didn't have to catch him in the act to know of his actions
and I won't stand for what he begs to be understood
They call me cold blooded-
because I knew he was after my body and I let him enjoy it
set him up to set his own trap and he fell for it
Waiting beneath my balcony to see if I'll ever look down
But I'm right behind him, not making a sound
She whose smile was like sunshine was also the rainmaker
No one expected the princess to be the dragon slayer


-Roni I'naru'

"Whatevah, Whatevah"

Light bright yellow man
Fuck you and your masterplan
Keep your made-up ring


-Roni I'naru'

What I Wouldn't Know

(an extra syllable never hurt anyone.)

Melting intently
His love began descending
Into the heart of her


-Roni I'naru'

Brand Spankin'

New You,
I remember when I knew you.
You 'member last time you been you?
I do.
Remember last time we spoke, too.
There was something so absent from the presence that I felt like I was talking to a memory.

New You,
I remember when I knew you.
You 'member last time we laughed together?
I do.
It was funny what you said about that thing you thought about that shit we felt differently about.
I wanted to laugh that way with you again but you didn't think it was funny.

New You,
I remember when I knew you.
You 'member last time I did that thing you love that I did when I did it and it was all and only for you and you knew it, too.
You'd beg for it to happen again and I'd subtly pretend that I didn't want to but gladly let you indulge in what was always yours.

New You,
I remember when I knew you.
You'd forgotten that I need to be chased and desired and remembered and loved so I left.
You came for me and I was hiding.
I came back to see if you ever showed for me but you'd left
and I came and left and you came and left and I came and stayed and she came to your rescue for something else you blamed me for.

New You,
I remember when I knew you.
You 'member that time I seen you?
I do.
Remember the minute you left, too.
I walked away knowing that it'd be the last time I did.


-Roni I'naru'

Your Name

Stopping prior thought
The silence it created
Pauses in sentences
Caused irregular rhythms in my heart
It was beautiful music
I heard the beat and walked to it
Felt it vibrate and just knew it
That warmth in my heart
That chill up my spine
It fit effortlessly with mine
Provoking my spirit
To orchestrate the band when I'd hear it
and dance with constellations
Charted symbolic of love
That'd only give reason for
all the power I gave to your name


-Roni I'naru'

Fish

We know you better than you know yourself
But you come in here acting like someone else
Take him back.

For the times we treated each other worse than we would a stranger
Lived together in silence, only speaking to each other in anger
I wish I could take it back.

Remember when all our toys used to be brothers
Now me and my own act like we don't know one another
I'm trying to take it back.

Used to run around by my side, acting shy
Now you're out there in the world acting like a tough guy
Bring it back.

Don't know where you're going but I know the path is wrong
'Cause if it's one thing I know, the streets ain't where you belong
Come on back.

Because they killin' us and we killin' our own
Killin' ourselves thinking we can make it alone
Hurry back.

I cry a sister's tears for the little boy I once held
Can't hold on no more, just let go and wish him well
So I'll fall back.


-Roni I'naru'

Keep Your Eyes On Your Own Desk

Stop looking at me
What the fuck is your problem?
Mind your own business


-Roni I'naru'

Carcinogen

The experts inquire about the relationship between a woman and her father
As justification for her fight or flight response to the behavior
Of a mann who loves in the same fashion he does his mother.
Nix the hypothesis, let my love stay out of the laboratory.
They say french fries boosts stamina and causes cancer.
They say red wine makes for a healthy heart and causes cancer.
They say chocolate helps blood flow and causes cancer.
Keep my love out of the lab before I find out it causes cancer, too.
Could it be the reason they keep away...
...or at least prefer me on a balanced diet.


-Roni I'naru'

Photomenthesis

Love has robbed of me
That which was detrimental
So that now I breathe


-Roni I'naru'

Preview and Post

Yesterday I blogged some things that I wish I never did.
Google my name and you'd find a lot of shit.
I got a history of tellin' all my biz.
There's no medal honor for a vet diarist.
I'm not as brave as Anais Nin
and I really wish I never used my government.
Why couldn't I just stick to the fucking alias?


-Roni I'naru'

Tennessee

Girl set to embark on a ride twelve hours from up top
to get low.
Girl I-95ing citylife, sharp turning
to country living.
They said
There'd be
Big ole
Country boys
For me
Cuz they like
Girls from
Philly
I wanna
Lean and
rock in
Tennessee
Knoxville specifically
Should 'jawns' get all sing songy
then let it be.


-Roni I'naru'

Down Erie Ave

THIS IS SO LAZY!
'SCUSE ME.
FIFTEEN POUNDS DON'T COME OFF EASY, ROB.
Yeah. Right.
Fifteen pounds lighter and you'll still be fat to you and Rob.
Running up the escalator as if the extra step it lifted you still burned.
Man, I didn't even thank God for letting me come up from the subway on the right side of the street.
Thanks, God.
I don't have to pass the congregation of penises delagating just loud enough to hear over the Korean news.
YOU KNOW WHO I SAW...
DES WHAT I SAID...
The aggression, the frustration...
At the world and because Hanes must have run out of color dye for the tee shirts.
The musty, dungeony smell of the abandoned basement pollutes the already piss-passed air,
as if photosynthesis never happened here.
In the distance glows the bodega awning...
Grabbing breakfast, yeah, this time I didn't care to say good morning.
Some unknown face cursed me in spanish,
I thought, Boriqua WHAT, bitch?!
Being outnumbered forced my silence.
The young man ran outside
Stopped himself
Stared at me
Ran back inside as I turned 17th.
Tell them I'm angry.
Tell them to care.
Tell them we don't have to be enemies.


-Roni I'naru'

Karma?

I must have broken homes, went outside my marriage or something.
I must have murdered, smuggled illegals or something.
I must have lied, cheated or something.
Or else why would I not be loved in this lifetime?

I must have been a bully, an asshole or something.
I must have taunted, violated or something.
I must have smiled in a million faces
and talked behind a every back or something.
Or else why would I not be loved in this lifetime?

My past life must be one of extreme offenses
To make this one extremely offensive
I don't know everything but I'm extremely attentive
To the heartache after my hearts suspencion
I've got to be cursed
There must be an oil, some dust, and candle to burn.
Is all my suffering just or is it just my turn?


-Roni I'naru'

Saturday Morning at the Chinese Store

Crack bags and Kit Kats
Was like smelling the coffee
I was in the hood


-Roni I'naru'

Lost Intent

Once heart shaped, I see
Abandoned remnants of love
Damaged but vibrant

Roni I'naru'

Overanalyzed Abstract

Philosophical ponderers immersed in cynical thought
I'm about to force my own head into a wall if someone doesn't
say something with a point already.
What's with this class and it's never-ending unclear questioning?
Legs shaking
Hands waving
Call on me, teacher, for I am about to die!
Because I have something to say so profound to me
that it'll be so profound to you
And after I take a good, solid, hearty 90 seconds to inquire common sense
we will all leave this room
with our understanding at an all time depth...
BULLSHIT!

-Roni I'naru'

(e)Motionless

He
Still loves me
Still is with her
Still feeds my harbored fantasy
Still sounds comforting
Still is all the way over there
Still says the things he used to say to me
Still says the same to her


Still calling
Still gasing up
Still not seeing
Still force-feeling
Still misleading
Still swindling
Still leaving stagnant chances of life with
Me.

-Roni I'naru'

Song of the Seraph

Her song
She sings
Beautifully throughout her being
You can see the melody in her eyes
And the chorus in her stride
It's like the world chimes into her tune when she walks by
Her key is sky high
A bar no other woman can touch
And not just any man could dare reach for
She serenades you with the smallest words
What you heard?
A charismatic sophistication?
Something prismatic?
A tad majestic,
Brilliant and perfected
A style to overrule your objection
A smile to gain your affection
Safeguarded your heart
but she charmed away your protection
The closest definition
Stunts her mission
You can't bind her with description
She outweighs all forms of depiction
I'm honored to be her child
A daughter of her own nubianess
I was truly blessed
May God grant her greatest wish
Cuz Lord knows she's worth it
Sing it, ma

-Roni I'naru'

Sequential Understanding (After Some Bastard Broke My Heart)

I waited for years
I answered when it rang
and when I missed I called back within the proper time frame

I waited for months
Touched myself to our conversation
and when we couldn't talk I made due with my imagination

I waited for weeks
Mentally prepared for the no brainer
Knew who to look for and found a stranger

In a matter of days
Maybe even a matter of minutes
In the stars it was written that his heart was not in it

Yesterday I cried
Last night I mourned
Shed my past and this morning I was reborn

-Roni I'naru'

2,007th

Frigid currents awaken
a heart content in it's slumber
and a spirit on the edge of that which has yet to be visited

Jazz vocalists seranade the still room
in unison with the rhythm of meditated breaths
over the screams of well wishes upon the street level

With fingers tightly intertwined
and eyes to the sky
I not only see the light, I shine it

-Roni I'naru'

5th Syllable Ballot

(every line is five syllables)

They tell me to vote
Because it's my voice
Did they not hear me
the last time I spoke?
Were they too caught up
Cutting ribbon and
Kissing babies and
Selling lemonade
Pretending to care?

They tell me to vote
Because it's my voice
And my ancestors
Died so that I may
And how dare I not
Especially when
Celebrities came
In crafty lil' shirts
That say vote or die?

They tell me to vote
Because it's my voice
There's a candidate
In a lens somewhere
Tired of smiling
Mentally quitting
Secretly wishing
That they never ran
in the first damn place

They tell me to vote
Because it's my voice
Like the one you hear
Is inaudible
Yet We, The People
are a little stumped
The ballot's been cast
Once we have spoken
Were we ever heard?

-Roni I'naru'

Loca Sola

In what respect does the victim become the victimizer?
In what sense can the 'lied to' be blamed by the liar?
Why do I feel so low when they said his absence'd take me higher?
In the middle of the night I'm the only one not tired.
My body's ready to move on, I just need to be inspired.
I overhear a man and woman's laughter I can only admire.
I'm a good person, don't I deserve to be desired?

-Roni I'naru'

Observations

Standing outside looking in
Looking into a world of lies
Lying to the weak minds that follow
Follow false prophets and teachings
Teaching that
Positive is negative and
Negative is positive and
Positivity is wrong in
Wrong in the eyes of closed minds
Minds that control actions and movements
Movements guided by souls
Souls longing to be accepted
Accepted by the masses
Masses who say
Smoke and drink and do bad things
Things that hurt other cuz
Others don't care for you so
Go out and get yours and
Enjoy music that defiles you and
Roll your eyes at whoever bids you a good morning and
Say learning is boring so
Cut that class cuz down here is where it's at and
Up there is for sell outs
Sell outs who thought they were better than us
Well...
Well if this is what the in crowd demands then
Then the in crowd will just have to kiss my ass cuz
I've got goals to reach and
I've got souls to teach and
I've got money to make and
I've got profits to take and
A God to serve and
A voice that ain't been heard so
If in is how I win then
I'd rather have lost.

-Roni I'naru'

Sweaty Palms (Tri-ku)

As if we combined
When his fingers slid through mine
We solidified

Looking in my eyes
He searched for something to feel
His pupils hunting

Then my own darkened
Shuting down his invasion
Giving back his rib

-Roni I'naru'