Yoked

revenge is in and of it itself
a beautiful lie and an ugly truth
and in realizing this
i know now
i loved you too much to hurt you
the way i thought that you deserved
i used to wonder how you slept at night
until i realized why i couldn't
and why you didn't
just repeated these transgressions
to numb a fractured reality
oblivious to the moment at which
karma reversed the hourglass
to replay the past
and thrust you into a darkness
you wouldn't know that you were in
until you search for my light
only to watch it dim
best served cold


Roni I'naru'

Mute Translation

saw a guy
conduct an orchestra
play a violin
do the funky chicken
mouth as best as he could
that today is his birthday
open his arms to the sky
bring them back to his chest
say thank you
diddy bop
get a running start
then jump off of the bus
forgetting his bike
but i bet this is still the best day of his life


-Roni I'naru'

Shadow of Bok

Bok was one of 23 schools chosen by the Philadelphia School Board and the School Reform Commission to  close, merging thousands of students into classes elsewhere, already at capacity; and hundreds of teachers and administrators out of work. This decision was an effort, a shameless one, to climb out of a deficit of over $300 million. Most students haven't yet grasped what's happening while others, including alumni and staff, are solemn over the troubled school's closing.

students haunt hallways
and staircases
eyes searching beyond camera lenses
for faces
that'd seek their story
they said we couldn't ask
though it's already known
this used to be their playground
A League of Their Own
badges and lanyards
no one seemed to care
that next year
would've been senior year
they'd have carried this alma mater
the colors
proudly
pep rallies
chant loudly
in tune to an orchestra
resounding
vibrating the foundation
years from now
who will know what was created
or what was in the making?
blueprints toward college admission
Le Bok Fin's newest chef master in the kitchen
$300 million
toward a new prison?
searching for advocates
not the most powerful pacifists
supporting abandonment
who knew they'd take our education
and start cashing in
on an auction block with an inmate
but in light of such mistake
any one of us could take his place
become another number
and let such be the case
all we needed was a fighting chance
bot a fucking circumstance
they'll have so many of us over there
we'll start pouring out the door
in yet another school
decrepit and worn
until rain's pouring through the roof
and we're falling through the floor
and if performance was poor
let it show that attitude reflected leadership
that bright future
didn't believe in it
pleaded it
but the village wasn't seeing it
and the concerned became fewer
for every finger pointed at each other
there were three pointed back at each accuser
all of us
christian, muslim, and the not so spiritual
were waiting for miracles

made in the interior of collapsing stars
pushed toward the exterior
leave the door ajar
for one last look at the journey thus far
turn the page
and realize that this is not the end


-Sherone I'naru'

Parked in the Fast Lane

sometimes i have not the language to heal
i speak in Kahlo and smoke
and no one can interpret this struggle
can't beat it
join it
give it a name and suffer from it
bleed from it
or for it
until you find a distraction
keep her busy
until she's dizzy
numb it
kiss me
make a mark
miss me
aim
hit me
spark it
pour it
dance and
cure it


-Roni I'naru'

Charred

I would imagine wonderland

and position him there

He is a staple to such happy existence 

One day he will learn 

One day he will see

And he'll say

Dear love, 

You were the only one I ever needed

Thank you for needing me too

One day these things will occur

and the suffering will be just

Or maybe they won't

And I'll meet a reason to burn the blueprint

And construct new structures

We needed each other for reasons unbeknown to us

And those watching

We were supposed to be messy

And go on as if that day never happened
21 alibis above sea level

As though I never lost my mind

As if holding on to you 

Was holding on to my last morsel of sanity

You stole my dreams right from beneath me

And told me that you weren't afraid of what was coming to you

That you were ready for karma

While I ran from fate

And we exist in between

More honestly, less jealously 

Completely out of control 

And without purpose

But just enough to

Calm heartache

Until it flares up again

-Roni I'naru

Magik

DAWN

Awaken the man dreaming of you

Remind him that you are here

Waiting for his hands to bless your skin

His kiss to make your heart race

His thrust to give you life

Give him a thousand reasons to never sleep again

Undress and give him one thousand more

Sometimes I try to be still, for a second

And just look at you

Though I don't see you

I see a little girl with my cheekbones and your eyes

Or a boy who will talk our ears off

I see journeys to the end of the earth

I see more confusing discussions of politics, hanging stockings, wondering why we pretend to believe in this stuff

OVERCAST

I wish that there was something that I could do 

to help clear the fog between

What we see before each other

You have become a part of me

And I struggle to fathom what life is

Without you

Without knowing it

You've mastered what it takes to hurt me

And I get it

You're a man

You don't have what it takes to love me

That you try is all that I need

It's developed into a fear of psychics

They might tell me that you aren't meant for me

Let's agree that you're what I need right now

I'm frightened that the first step without you means falling

I want you to catch me

I want you to hold me 

RAIN

You threw me to the wolves

And I fucked each one 

Lost  without you 

Vultures find me

I let them have what they see

I broke skin until life streamed down my limb

Steel pierced through me

But I could still feel you

You haunt this woman

And I love you forever

I thought you protected me

But you were the monster

FOG

I'll be the reason he goes to confession

And repent for every orgasm we lost count of

I have burned my bridges to heaven

I'm going to fuck until I forget you

And won't apologize for what I've done

I am worse than numb

A stranger to my own reflection

Or have finally found myself

I have become the woman my mother protected me from

And I am the cause of my fathers heartache

I don't care

Walk around, just step over this mess

Watch the trash burn

Don't try to put me out just because you see me breathing

There are no signs of life

Who I am is self-inflicted

Convicted

Of living without restriction

Let my hair down and exist in these mistakes

Though

The only thing I've ever done wrong

Was fall in love

Low precipitation

-Roni I'naru

You Better Be Good

1.
I am a soulless woman
Apparently,
morally I don't object to shit.
Not like some dick who nurtures the wounds the world gave him
pretending like he doesn't feel anything
But like some chick who believed in a world that could not save her,
and for that
everyone is equally suspect and victim
Equally loved and hurt
Believed and burned
My intention was always to be the good girl
but neither she, or the bitch, will survive without cooperation
And the truth is that a "good girl gone bad" is not gone forever
She just loves harder and fucks smarter
Or
Loves smarter and fucks harder
(somewhere in there is pretty accurate)

2.
We were supposed to be pretty brides and virgins until then
We were given good advice
Told to keep our heads in the books
and a nickel between our knees
Told never to believe the man who told us he loved us if he wouldn't wait
or we'd end up pregnant and lose all our friends
There was no advise for the pansexual, the bisexual, and lesbian girls
and those who turned out to be infertile anyway
No wisdom for the daydreamer
Those who'd rather take that nickel to the corner store
good for one balloon
fill it with water and hit the boys
waging innocent wars
Those of us who thought fashion wasn't worth acceptance
but a brilliant mind was
and so were jokes that could possibly suffocate us
What we saw contradicted everything
And we vowed to stay in line anyway
Only to find that such line was shit
Something to keep us worthy to be proud of
to parents who stopped being proud of themselves
We are still struggling with these ideas
They've never suited the girls who've fled the church, the mosque and the mall
We've inherited an unstable world
Told to get stable jobs
find stable mates
have stable minds
These things are relative
Dare I say imaginative

So where do we go from here?
We hold tight to each other and run
Not from anything but toward it
Until we feel like we're living
and loving
and breathing
an experience
worth repeating.

-Roni I'naru

Broken

(for the girl who jumped)

5:27pm
I'd give anything for those who tell me to snap out of it
to know that I am about to snap
that what makes me who I am is not your platform to degrade me
and that when you sink to new lows
I do, too.
I've got scars that can't be treated
plummeting feels like treatment
and when you start
I beg for the end to come soon.

8:32pm
I tried not to cry as the humid night hit my face
Tears blend with sweat
and my red puffy eyes pass as some allergy
No one seems to notice the train wreck
or have placed thier own caution tape
The day's garbage isn't the fresh air I expected out here
They told me if I needed to talk I coud just reach out
I'm right here

but I'm scared to interrupt.
I don't want to bring them down here.
I'll wait to see if I'm over it
I mean, until I'm over it.

10:20pm
It's like I'm being shaken
Expected to survive
so far from home
No one is there anyway
No one is here either
They're living lives of luck and love
and are smart enough to not end up
this low

this high
where I've decided
that this is fucking it,
and be this my last mistake
it's got to be
the
best
decision
I'd
ever
make.


-Roni I'naru

The Literacy of Pores

The Creativity Workbook Haiku You (page 126)
several emotions, seven stories above Rittenhouse and the pretty South Street laundromat.

SPRING
i feel the earth yawn
barefoot dreams through parks and streams
burst from winters shell

SUMMER
warm rain taps my skin
completely rainbow garden
clearly used to it

WINTER
these slippery roads
exist with no forgiveness
the way i used to

FALL
monogamy seems
like forbidding nature's change
love against the grain


-Roni I'naru

Load It Cock It Aim and Love

Directed by fear,
love can be as frightening as it is beautiful;
wonderful beyond anything I've ever wondered.
and if you're fortunate enough to survive such spell
you should thank your lucky stars.
Running into what we run from
Questioning each moment
and each movement
Solve every puzzle with enough to get you through the night
Awake in the morning thinking of new ways to exist wiser
than enigmas we consider romance.
Riddled for what we can put on paper
or in photos
and in bank accounts
and raise our children with
something labeled kindred
willing to lose yourself
as long as he says I love you
and she will separate beneath you
to give life to
matrimony.

-Roni I'naru

Consonants and Adlibs

[(Soma)tic Poetry Workshop Poem #3]

1.
Cook gravy 'til spectacular thoughts sizzle
skating from the burlesque mother.

2.
Jack, the druglord, operates zoloft & rum
Real zany afterthoughts.
Oooo, deadly.

Morbid Jack, clippity quack,
meanders northly southern
for butter steaks & oranges.

-Roni I'naru

Thoughts of Tokophobia While Facing a Trash Can

[(Soma)tic Poetry Workshop Poem #2]

Yesterdays collect
at the bottom of the receptacle.
There will be someone
to gather these bad decisions and
put them where
we won't mind.
But what we can not
throw away,
we must hold on to
and name these little regrets
and be proud of them
because shame is embarrassing.

-Roni I'naru

A Cute Angle

[(Soma)tic Poetry Workshop Poem #1]

You won't get the shot.
Put the camera away.
Life is happening.

-Roni I'naru

Caelum

i love the sky prior to sunrise
when it's cerulean blue
and everything is calm
and quiet
i love the way the streets are empty
and nothing
and no one is about the sidewalk
i love how crisp the air is
how fresh is smells
unpolluted
overwhelming
i love the peace that comes over me
that i could not refuse
because i didn't have a chance to
how sincere the silence is
and wondering is this what it's like to believe in God
is this how i know She exists
i love that i am not sleeping this moment away
that i am awake right now
alive
and happy, simultaneously
what i feel is something i've only read about

and this must be what love feels like

and i love how i feel

-Roni I'naru

Carpe Diem

Trying, striving, searching, finding
feeling, listening,
sun rays glistening,
hoping for better things
effort withering
by sunset
waiting until everyone leaves to light my cigarette
burning frustration with each drag
watching yesterday become ash.

-Roni I'naru

Shhhhhh...

Magically,
they can hear me before I've opened my mouth to speak.
Somehow knowing what I'll say
and already disagreeing.
Though, I can't resist the urge to insist that they've got me all wrong.
Shit-
I wonder how long this will take;
couldn't help but speak my mind
especially at the wrong time,
and if it didn't seem so childish I bet they'd cover their ears,
screaming gibberish to drown the sound of my conscious stream.
Heaven forbid I muddy the water.
And I can not be sorry,
I can't be sorry for this pretend sin.
I can still feel pieces of earth hit the same places of the first stones thrown,
but I refuse to run.
You ought to see me bleed,
to see a human.
Somewhere among the angry mob is another human being, too.

-Roni I'naru

Miss Lead

Story of my life
Some chick thinks I'm into her
When I'm really not

-Roni I'naru

Powder

Tell me what she does in seconds flat
what I spent two years figuring out
What does she whisper in your ear
that I can't get across loud & clear
Wonder what makes you leave my warmth for her cold
Dodge me by day to chase her at night
She fills your senses with the senseless
and you remain at attention
Watching you brave dangerous streets to find her
and she waits for you under the darkest of corners under the El
on littered concrete
Cheap but desirable
You gravitate toward her and I'd hope my little voice in your ear would interject
But you take her and devour her quickly
And slowly tread home to my fury
And I wish that we never happened
And I swear that I'd do anything to never have met you
And I'd give my left arm to rewind time
Screaming regrets and bets and threats and yet
he can't come clean
In the middle of crying I ask what's her name
After denying, he utters,
cocaine.

-Roni I'naru

Unnatural Born

I am the first and second of the sixth and the first
The daughter of Raine and Art
Grandchild of Yvonne and Jacinta
Born on the 28th evening of the 1,985th October
to the tribes of Judah and Ephraim
to stand tall in my femininity on the shoulders of my cacique ancestresses
21 years later
I fell in love with the lie
And the truth could barely recall my existence
Sat in the corner with growth and got high of it's offering
Rocked back and forth in the dim light, praying for contrasts
that I'd be wrong
If love always became failure, was I born to be fooled?
And to learn from that,
to warn future fools
to dogde my fears, and call that wisdom.
Was I born to be cared about
to then change minds
to then live for weeks in the fog
then to discover the once nonexistent
and then exist for the rest of my life validating my ignorance with wounds?
Was I born to save myself for the mythical husband
who works the 9-5
and comes home to eat my pollo frito at the head of the table
and lay with him at night
spooning with the archetype
while he's dreaming of his own?
Was I born to walk this plank
basquing in the rays coming through the stainglass windows
bouncing off my sequins
giving the impression that I've reached womanhood
while my brothers look at me
hoping for the best and planning for the worst?
Was I born only to sit pretty before his company,
shit out his children,
swallow his infedelity with a grain of salt and a pinch of oh well and a little nevermind
& iron my pleats & his
& wash my socks & his
& make my sandwich & his
& wipe my crumbs & his
at this pivotal point, where shit
means nothing and everything
I've been pushed into this black hole of floating
grandfather clocks and ottomans
So I'm born to dare-
and kiss passionately
and rest my legs on his shoulders
while we pretend to be so focused
and my thoughts don't wander
with the sweat streaming down my body
That if all is fair in love and war
Then as much as I deserve to be loved, I must stomach the fall.

-Roni I'naru

Pearl of the Universe

I'm in flight
Traveling lightyears into the 100 watt shining through my digits
I'm floating atop a golden Amazon River on my back
without having left this mattress
I'm walking on indigo skies
creating stars wherever my feet land
Scraped the bottom of the sea for hydration
Dug through soil and sod for growth
This world is but a washed up oyster
I've starved for universal tranquility

-Roni I'naru

Photomenthesis

Love has robbed of me
That which was detrimental
So that now I breathe

-Roni I'naru

(e)Motionless

He
Still loves me
Still is with her
Still feeds my harbored fantasy
Still sounds comforting
Still is all the way over there
Still says the things he used to say to me
Still says the same to her


Still calling
Still gasing up
Still not seeing
Still force-feeling
Still misleading
Still swindling
Still leaving stagnant chances of life with
Me.

-Roni I'naru

5th Syllable Ballot

They tell me to vote
Because it's my voice
Did they not hear me
the last time I spoke?
Were they too caught up
Cutting ribbon and
Kissing babies and
Selling lemonade
Pretending to care?

They tell me to vote
Because it's my voice
And my ancestors
Died so that I may
And how dare I not
Especially when
Celebrities came
In crafty lil' shirts
That say vote or die?

They tell me to vote
Because it's my voice
There's a candidate
In a lens somewhere
Tired of smiling
Mentally quitting
Secretly wishing
That they never ran
in the first damn place

They tell me to vote
Because it's my voice
Like the one you hear
Is inaudible
Yet We, The People
are a little stumped
The ballot's been cast
Once we have spoken
Were we ever heard?

-Roni I'naru

Sweaty Palms (Tri-ku)

As if we combined
When his fingers slid through mine
We solidified

Looking in my eyes
He searched for something to feel
His pupils hunting

Then my own darkened
Shuting down his invasion
Giving back his rib

-Roni I'naru